nine and twenty!

dearest chelsea. 

oh girl. you are finally here. your GOLDEN birthday. turning 29 on august the 29th. you've been dreaming of this day since jade's twelfth golden birthday with the limousine. and your amazing, understanding husband hooked. you. up. a night away, alone, in downtown boston. right now you are chillin' in a giant hotel bed with no one but the voices in your head. it's exactly what you dreamed of all year long. your life is busy. and happy. and noisy. some quiet reflective solitude is a luxury without price. this city is dreamy and you get to explore some of it on your own! geez, this is a birthday for the ages. you are spoiled. 

moving on. let me see, what has happened this past year. Jeff completed his first year of business school, and it was busy. so busy. he had homework and projects and even took a two week school trip to south africa. then you picked up and moved go michigan for a summer internship. see? busy. but it also was a crazy amount of fun.  it surprised you, how fast you bonded with your new friends. but it was a good surprise. and although come spring you will all be scattered in wind, you have a few friends for life. and that feels good. 

speaking of spring, the thought of it brings both excitement and all sorts of anxiety. as of now, you have a few options of where you will be post school. none of which are mesa. this is a bit of a sting. you always knew the odds were low, but there was that part of you that hoped against hope that you would get to move home after school. but when it became clear that is not the case, you mourned. and then panicked. and now, you are sad, but have found peace. and maybe even a little bit of your very small adventurous side. after all, boston has turned out to be wonderful, right? right? it'll be okay. I promise. 

the older you get, and the more established your family gets, the more you realize your home is where they are. if jeff, petra, rilla, and lars are there, that's where you wanna be. (except for tonight, obvi. that's for you, girl!) jeff turned 30 this year, and isn't he just handsome. he works so hard for you. don't forget to recognize and appreciate that. petra is sweet and capable and often you forget how young she is. don't forget and don't rush her. rilla is hilarious and bold, but don't forget she is so very tender and if you say "I'm gonna just leave you here if you don't get your shoes on right his minute" she will believe you and crumble into a ball of tears. lars. oh lars. he's all boy, and ball with daddy is his favorite. don't forget to give him the attention he needs. he needs you to help him be gentle and soft. 

and what about you, oh chelsea? this year you pushed yourself to be social. and it paid off. you relearned the joy of summer vacation. you let you hair grow longer. you started practicing your make up skillz, and some days it actually looks pretty alright. you tried your best to nurture your family. spiritually and nutritionally. heads up, lots of room for improvement on both accounts. you realized how much fun your kids are to be around. you still like to workout, and you still like to eat. it's been a year of figuring out the balance of both. you love to be funny. someone tells you you're funny and you feel what you imagine to be fairly similar to how a puppy feels getting a pet on the head. jeff is still your favorite person to make laugh, because he is the hard get. but alas, you are seriously tired all the time, and making jokes requires brain cells. get some sleep and make more people laugh. 

enjoy the next year chels. you have some amazing things coming up, and it'll go by quickly. 

happy golden! birthday chels. you are actually really starting to like you. 

faithfully yours,

chels

ha! look at you taking yourself so seriously. 

p.s. last years letter here -> http://cstockwrite.blogspot.com/2012/08/2122.html?m=1

broke'm

I ordered some new workout leggings online. When they arrived I tried them on, and they were so wonderfully comfortable I decided to wear them for the rest of the day. Then I ate a cookie. Then I took a nap. I think they are broken.

my so called life

I took Lars to his nine month well check a couple of days ago. The timing of his appointment worked out with Jeff's class schedule so that I could leave the girls and just take Lars. (small perk of living on campus for b.school) I packed him up and walked to Harvard Square for his appointment.

Now, I am not sure exactly what I was expecting, but when you hear Harvard University Health Services ... you know. It's Harvard! What I was not expecting was to walk in to 1994. The office was decorated in thin plastic gold frames pictures and teddy bear picnic wall decals. Fluorescent lights. I got a variety of photo copied hand outs. Some from books. From books! They had Sesame Street stickers. (Have they not heard of Yo Gabba Gabba??) The doctor was an older lady with her hair in a banana clip, wearing cream tights with cream loafers and a calf length floral dress. It was kind of hilarious. Luckily, she actually seemed to know what she was talking about and she personally administered his flu shot. She was pretty quick with the needle too. And I appreciated that.

The walk alone with my boy was lovely, but the time travel was even better.

I was a little girl alone in my little world

rilla is a complicated individual. 

"I don't wanna go to preschool."

"I am so excited to go to preschool!"

she started preschool this week, a small class we put together on campus, and in a matter on moments, she went from an absolute refusal to go, to sheer bliss at the thought of being a preschool student with her friends. then on the walk over, she kicked off her shoes and sat on the ground and refused to go inside. then when I came to pick her up, the moment she caught a glimpse of my face she screamed, I mean screamed, "I WILL NOT GO HOME WITH YOU I WANT TO KEEP PLAYING!" 

she didn't speak to me for about five whole minutes after I made her leave. until I told her that she could go back on wednesday, and she then proceeded to tell me all about school and I was the best mommy ever. 

rilla as a thirteen year old is going to be really interesting. 

2(12+2)

dear chels,

hey, it's your birthday again! another year gone by. dude, this one was a doozy, wasn't it? you had a baby, packed up your life in washington, moved across the country, and started jeff in business school just this week. you are exhausted just thinking about it. having a third baby was kind of rough in itself. changing the ratio from 2:2 to 2:3 was difficult for you, not too mention those post-partum hormones combined with the nightmare that was trying to breastfeed. those six weeks felt like drowning in the ocean and barely making it to shore on your last breath. the only bright spot was that sweet lars-son. he  is so darling and sweet and always good for a smile. he was worth the fight, and you can't imagine your  family without him. no matter how crazy it (still) is.  

you made the move to boston just weeks ago, and you still miss your life in washington terribly. it took time, but you really learned to love it there and leaving it behind was sort of tough. you also miss a few dear friends something awful. just getting here was quite the task. moving across the country is as monumental as it seems. but upon arrival you realized that so many others made the same move you did, and are starting over like you, and you are really enjoying getting to know all these new, amazing people that surround you. it can be kind of intimidating, all these smart, educated people (you are at harvard) and sometimes it weighs you down. you still tend to compare yourself to others, even though you know better, and it can make you feel small. try not to let it get to you, and remember what jade said ... "own it!" 

...

there is something bothering you about this birthday, this number. it was a five days after her 28th birthday that your sister ashley died. and five days from now and every day after that will be another day you lived longer than she did. it is hard to fathom and it makes you really sad. all these changes are more things you never got to share with her. you don't want to get older than your big sister, experience more life than she did. it feels wrong. you love and miss her so. 

...

but life does go on, doesn't it? for good or bad. and sometimes the superficial can be a nice distraction. you are blonde again, thanks to jessica. and your hair is finally long enough for a top knot. woo! you also just bought yourself hot fuchsia pants (whaaat?) but left the tags on until you can be really sure you can leave the house in them. baby steps. you also convinced jeff that cable was a necessity, and got it set up at your new apartment even though you be po'. (cable + bedtime = sanity) and hey, you started painting your finger nails black again, just like sophmore year of high school. so you can't be that old, hey-ooo!

this next year petra should start kindergarten, rilla will continue to test (test!) your patience, lars will grow from baby to boy, and jeff will dominate b-school. this is a particularly crazy time in your life. three small kids, supporting a husband at Harvard Business School, no family around ... but when else will life be so colorful, and your task so clear? 

hey chels, you are awesome. keep it up. 

xo, 
chelsea

what 28 looks like on you.
oh, and remember that top knot you wanted? ^ high five!

p.s. previous birthday letters can be found here, here, and here.

prerogative.

our new church building is quite large. not only is the building new to us, but it is newly built. it is multileveled with elevators and a parking garage. a parking garage! it took us three tries to find the right floor, with our chapel. I love that we are on the second floor and when I am changing my third diaper in two hours, I can see tree tops and the buildings of Cambridge.

I learned some things today, too. tucked a few seeds in my soil for further tending.


.....


this place is really growing on me. getting out of the apartment (which is coming together!) always reminds me of how blessed we are to be here. It speaks to me in a way I have never known, and every time I drive along the river, or walk across a bridge, or see a building erected in 1904, I thrill to my toes. and all I have to do to experience these things is step out of my front door.

it's hard to dance

The business that is our life has been gaining momentum. There has been an onslaught of bills, appointments, paper work and general to-do's. Getting ready to move across the country, start b-school, and end all income is like a train rushing toward me. It keeps getting louder and brighter as it screams full steam ahead. I know it won't do me under, but it still makes my heart race and my head throb.  We have eight weeks left here and it kind of blows my mind. There is so much to do and so little time! I wish I had a little less to do and a little more time to spend with the people I am going to miss so much. 

petra, keepin' it real.