Dear Chelsea,
Once again, it’s your birthday. 35! 35? Ohhhhkay. This year has gone by more quickly than ever. Everyone says time speeds up as you get older, and they were right. The only exception being the entire month of July. July was long and hot and irritable and felt like a year in and of itself. But other than that, whoosh. The school year just started. The first day of school brings mostly relief, and excitement. But there is always the “first day of school” pictures that are undeniable evidence that your kids are another year older. A consistent marking of the passage of time. And it hurts. That slice of their life captured in a few snaps of the camera, and you get that feeling like you are already looking back on the moment from future days. Another thing people always say is that you’ll miss these days. And you will. You know you will. But you have to be able to look forward to the future or it would destroy you. So you let it sting. It hurts, like living nostalgia. But the glow around that ache is the pure thrill from witnessing these human lives. It is a blessing and a privilege, truly.
As your birthday approached you thought about this letter. Wondering what to say, and if it was even worth writing another year. So many things you have wanted to accomplish but haven’t yet. It feels a little embarrassing. A postponed list of boxes unchecked. Learn another language. Be published somewhere. Take up cello. Read all the books on a best classic American novels list. Go to Europe with your husband. But one of the benefits of being 35, is that you can feel inadequate, examine it, and try again. Now, a list of things less easily defined or quantified, accomplished. Learning the language of each individual child. Writing poems in an app on your phone. Being thrilled to hear Petra play the flute, and Rilla the ukulele. Having four children who love books. Supporting a husband with a time consuming job with lots of travel. Learning to love a body drastically different to the one you got married in. Maintaining relationships that are important to you. Having a happy, loving, fun, wonderful marriage. Learning how your testimony best grows. And loving your Savior, Jesus Christ. And so forth. And so on. So maybe the list is not so much a list as a beautiful life, in progress, eh?
On that pretty nearly pretentious note, let’s admit that you have your vices. Caffeine, in the form of Crystal Light energy, thanks to a medication you are on short-term that makes carbonation a no-go. (Diet Coke, you’ll always be the one. You’ll find your way back to each other!) Television, lately in the form of Schitt’s Creek. (David Rose, you’re simply the best. If you know you knoooow.) An endless search for the perfect sunnies for your round cheeks makes the very large collection you have acquired a secret shame. (Currently awaiting another pair to arrive in the mail. What are you gonna do.) Lizzo. “Truth Hurts” on repeat. (And “Juice”. And “Good As Hell”.) Online shopping even though you KNOW it makes you the most basic of basic housewives. (You really don’t care if your mail lady hates you, and she really does.) Last but not least, swears. A well used swear just sends a thrill up your spine. (Sorry mom!)
It has been a long year, a good year, a hard year, and a blessed year. Happy Birthday old girl. Enjoy your day, your cake, and your daily nap.
Love, Chels
