my so called life

I took Lars to his nine month well check a couple of days ago. The timing of his appointment worked out with Jeff's class schedule so that I could leave the girls and just take Lars. (small perk of living on campus for b.school) I packed him up and walked to Harvard Square for his appointment.

Now, I am not sure exactly what I was expecting, but when you hear Harvard University Health Services ... you know. It's Harvard! What I was not expecting was to walk in to 1994. The office was decorated in thin plastic gold frames pictures and teddy bear picnic wall decals. Fluorescent lights. I got a variety of photo copied hand outs. Some from books. From books! They had Sesame Street stickers. (Have they not heard of Yo Gabba Gabba??) The doctor was an older lady with her hair in a banana clip, wearing cream tights with cream loafers and a calf length floral dress. It was kind of hilarious. Luckily, she actually seemed to know what she was talking about and she personally administered his flu shot. She was pretty quick with the needle too. And I appreciated that.

The walk alone with my boy was lovely, but the time travel was even better.

it's hard to dance

The business that is our life has been gaining momentum. There has been an onslaught of bills, appointments, paper work and general to-do's. Getting ready to move across the country, start b-school, and end all income is like a train rushing toward me. It keeps getting louder and brighter as it screams full steam ahead. I know it won't do me under, but it still makes my heart race and my head throb.  We have eight weeks left here and it kind of blows my mind. There is so much to do and so little time! I wish I had a little less to do and a little more time to spend with the people I am going to miss so much. 

petra, keepin' it real.

your smile will change the world someday

Petra Stock, Nature Detective

A week of sunny days stringed together and the trees explode with leaves. It is strange to think that we will be long gone before this set of leaves changes and falls. It makes me a sad, with a fleeting sensation of thrilled. It is so completely bittersweet. 


Pita played Nature Detective this week, and labeled hand drawn pictures, in sparkly pink ink, in her notebook. She discovered a rock, a weed and a bug. Her inquisitive mind was frustrated by her discoveries though, and she expressed this by telling me that "everything [was] the same as last spring anyway." If only she knew how different she was.  

don't ever worry

Yesterday I read this after seeing it pop up a few times in my Facebook newsfeed. I really appreciate the idea of making sure my children know they matter, more than whatever is on my phone, more than anything, really.

Today I did a little better, they seemed a little brighter and we were a little happier.

here, you can be anything

My favorite part of the morning is opening up the curtains on all the windows. I don't really feel like I can breathe until I can let in the cloud-filtered, rain-soaked sunlight. Only then do I feel like the day has actually begun. There is always some surprise out there. Squirrels, sometimes snow, but most often it is skies that are slightly grey and leaky. 


This week I have started getting up an hour or two before the kids so I can get in a workout and a shower before the day gets hectic. I forgot how nice it is to not start the day running, instead getting to warm up on my own time. To pray in silence, instead of having to pray in the bathroom for privacy while little voices call out my name. Not to say that you can't pray anywhere, anytime, but sometimes I can't hear my own thoughts, let alone those given to me. 

firsticuffs

some firsts this week


-Yesterday I did my first "Power Pump" class at the Y, which was also my first group exercise class. It was embarrassing. Almost as embarrassing as saying the name of the class out loud. Yesterday was also some major spring cleaning, including cleaning out the garage and mopping the whole floor for the first time since Lars was born. Note to self: Don't do Power Pump on the same day as spring cleaning. I can hardly walk today. 


-Lars had his first encounter with solid food. Brown rice cereal. He was skeptical at first, but now loves it. 




























-Rilla got her first stitches. Three, to be exact. She had a disagreement with gravity and it spitefully shoved her head against the corner of the wall. Jeff took her to the clinic and they had her fixed up in no time. They swaddled her arms to keep her still and she, speaking for her arms in a high pitched voice, kept saying things like "hey! it's dark in here! I can't move!" That's So Rilla. 
































-Petra used "HAHAHAHA" in a written text for the first time, as well as "/ " which she explained to me means "and." She's a winner. 





























-Lars cut his first tooth! There was minimal extra fussing, which I attributed to his immunizations this week. Poor kid. Shots and teething. Every mother has said it, probably anyone who has ever known a child has said it for that matter, but I will say it anyway: he is growing up so fast. 

-First time using this recipe. We put it on devil's food cupcakes (from the box) and called them Chocolate Covered Strawberry Cupcakes. The frosting is crazy good, even if ours look nothing like the picture. Every Sunday me and Petra watch Cupcake Wars and Petra tells me all about who is going to win, what ingredients she would pick, and what her cupcake bakery would be called. Today she called us the "Royal Rainbow Bakery." 

-I helped Lars play his first game of catch with daddy in our sunny backyard today. I told him to ignore Tinkerbell and her friends covering the ball, and kept repeating "ball, ball ball" to him over and over. Jeff plays catch with the girls all the time, but watching him play with his son got me a smidge teary. oh, boys. 




It was quite the eventful week, but some things never change. Like the fact that I love meeting my kids anew every time they grow up a little. 

ere go

Lars, the professor.

these days

larlos and the ballerilla
(i often find her where he is)

recently, when the girls ask me for/to do/about something for the twenty thousandth time in a day (noiamnotexaggerating) I started doing this thing where I talk in the lowest voice I can muster and say "MOMMY'S NOT HERE. I AM MR. MOMMY." it sends them in to a fit of giggles and it keeps me from losing my mind by adding a bit of silliness to my day. it is gross and obnoxious, but we like it anyway. 

in wild discussion

super cute dinosaur onesies my good and talented friend Julie made me

we are looking forward to the long weekend around these parts. we tackled the grocery store this morning and got all the goods we would need for the holiday fare. although I got a lot of funny looks ... perhaps they thought I was trying to smuggle a turkey under my sweatshirt? (iamquitelarge) a festive dinner with our good friends the Allreds is sounding like the perfect way to spend the day. low-key, fun, and delicious. plus Laura said I could utilize their couch for lounging, as I am prone to do these days. 


little son is low. I can feel his head in delicate places (toomuchinformation) and we (himandi) chat all day long about his impending arrival. I am feeling fairly ready, with just a few lingering things on my to-do lists. (ihavemultiplelists)  I can hardly wait to meet him, but I really would like to eat and rest over the weekend, spending oodles of time with jeff. (turkeystuffingpieandhubs) then really, he can come any ol' time and that would be fine by me. 

hiccups

it is a blustery day. 

a cloudy, grey, cold, rainy, blustery day. 

and we are loving it. 

we all went to the baby doctor this morning. the whole family, all five of us. (five!) of course, one of us (little son) was in utero. baby looks great. his "heart beep" as petra calls it, sounds perfect. the doctor asked if I could feel him moving regularly, and at the same moment I could feel him shifting and stretching in my belly. "yes." I smiled. then we came home and watched the wind and rain strip the leaves off the trees in our back yard. and now little son has the hiccups.


for the moment, all is well. 


.......


my deepest thanks to veterans who fight and have fought for all to be well, in places all over the world. 

walk and fall

we like walks on crisp fall days around here. sunny afternoons that still have a chill are high up on my list of favorite things. as are fiery red leaves. of course, our walks are a lot shorter these days thanks to little-son-in-the-oven, but we still get out for quick walk-abouts now and then. 

oh and that belly shot of my brand new TOMS (love'em) is misleading. I can't actually see my feet just by looking down. I had to pull my belly way back to even see the tips of my toes. my view is pretty much eclipsed by the growing womb. the other day I had my pants on backwards for a full twenty minutes before I figured it out by catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror... 

self-indulgent

somewhere off the oregon coast

some thoughts for the moment.

:: it is easier for skinny people to find things to wear. it just is. this is the point of my pregnancy that I fantasize about real person clothes. and not dressing a series of orbs. (note, not pregnant I am still not thin. but still.)

:: I canceled my next doctors appointment just because I didn't feel like going. I feel empowered. 

:: hubs is super handsome. 

:: I have been hovering between sick and not sick for about three days now. I am convinced the only reason I haven't developed a full blown sinus infection is because of sheer will power and positive thinking. I will not miss my baby shower! 

:: people are very generous. and throw you baby showers even if it is your third baby. and buy your gifts. 

:: I need to be more generous.

:: a skill would be very nice. one that I could use to repay these generous people. maybe I could learn to knit. I love yarn. I want to make this. 

:: I feel ready to give birth, but very not ready to have a newborn. the first six weeks postpartum kind of terrify me. 

:: I have pregnancy brain. and pregnancy on the brain. I am constantly forgetting things, misspeaking, mixing things up. and my head sounds like this: me me pregnant me me heartburn me baby me hips hurt me nursery me to do list me me back pain me baby pregnant me. 

:: I should really be more generous. and selfless. 

:: little son. he moves so much. it is distracting and yet comforting. we can't wait to meet him. I bet he is deliciously cute. 

:: big bags of halloween candy are awesome. I love variety. 

five years ago

I had you. 

my petra.

my pita pudding pie.

you can be so serious and worrisome. 

and you can be so fun,

and tell a joke to get us all laughing. 

(you get that from your dad)

you are an amazing big sister. 

baby brother loves you already, if his kicks are any indication.

you are mischievous

and convinced rills to run from my camera this morning.

(giggling hysterically)

we are your biggest fans,

rills, especially.

(she follows your every move)

i love you so much. 

my pita petra pudding pie darling love. 

I think a lot about mothering petra. she is my first child. I worry about her being our "trial and error" of parenting. I learn a lot about myself being her mother. she can be so sensitive and fragile, sometimes I get so frustrated with it, but mostly she just breaks my heart.  it teaches me so much about making my love for others visible all the time, so that it is always the underlying current of my interactions. if she weren't my baby girl, how would I ever learn that? she can also be so strong, and determined. she is the best lesson I have to learn. she is so darling and sweet and unique and intelligent and thoughtful. and she is mine to watch over. 

getcha hair did

before 

after

petra got a "turning five and starting a new preschool year" hair cut. It was also a "mom is tired of fighting over hair brushing every day" cut. It was supposed to be a more dramatic difference, but I kind of chickened out and only had the stylist take off a little. I just wasn't ready to let go of those curls after all. It didn't really occur to me just how little the change was until I saw the "after" photos. I had to laugh at myself, because it all really seemed so dramatic at the time ... 

all things ordinary

yah yah, my post titles have been dominated by anniversary lyrics. it is one part the fact that it is the only grown up music I have listened to lately, one part that they have been stuck in my head since then, and two parts that I really like them. 

........................................

today has been a whole lot of hanging around while our landlord fixes a sundry of items around the house. it's a smidge awkward, and I am never sure what to do with myself or the girls. I should just get out of the house, but I think he prefers to have someone here.  and I guess there are worse things than having to hang about while someone else fixes everything. although, now that I think about it, he may just think I am a terribly lazy mother who doesn't take her kids out of the house all day long. oh dear. 

..........................................

petra and rilla got in to a fight over something this afternoon (shocker), and when in her eyes I "sided" with rilla, petra "ran away" to the back yard with a book. she couldn't have found a better way to "punish" me. I tried to take sneaky photos through the screen, because it was just so darn cute. 

hu-rumph.

no one understands me

this book is great, what was I upset about?

..........................................

rilla moments later, had forgotten all about the fight and was rummaging through sisters play-time remnants. she found a baby goldfish who she told me finds swimming in the rainbow really fun. 

who, me?

a hug for baby goldfish

a fish-kiss for baby brother

..........................................

today was the first day of school in these parts, and while today was so very unproductive, I couldn't help but feel a little glad that petra didn't start preschool for a couple of weeks, and we could be schedule-free just a little bit longer. I know she will love school, and I am so excited for her, but sometimes it is nice not having anywhere to go, or anywhere to be but with each other. fights and all. 

and I'll never forget how that black dress

is that a heart? how surprising and sweet...

I get a little hormotional* when I'm pregnant. couple that with the end of summer boredom, and it has been a long couple of weeks for all of us. so this saturday jeff insisted we call a sitter and get out the house for a while. I think the girls needed a break from us as much as we needed a break from them, from the way they waved us off as soon as the sitter got there. we got dressed up, tried to take some hipster couple pics, (we didn't make it past the test shot, my purple blouse over my baby bump was too reminiscent of violet beauregarde) and we were out the door. 


I made jeff take me to a fancy restaurant in bellevue. I mean, we made reservations. it was beautiful. we chatted and absorbed the atmosphere and I professed my undying love ... of the upcoming television fall line up. the food was oh so delicious. and tiny. 




so right after dinner we went to dairy queen and got fries and ice-cream. dairy queen doesn't take reservations, but they sure know their way around a chocolate malt. it was a perfect night.




*hormotional :  an emotional state fueled or exaggerated by hormones. 

the new fall line for the season

look closely, can you see the bulbocity that is my stomach? poor rilla can barely fit!

tonight I saw it. that color in the air that said "fall." I looked out the window and there it was. that, color on the world that makes me feel ready for anything. the air had that chill and just a few leaves were slowly floating down in the wind. the girls tried to catch them as they fell, giggling when they swirled just out of reach, as if on purpose. I love love love fall. I don't think summer has had it's last hoorah just yet, though. this was just a sneak peek at what is to come. but it was enough to wake me up inside, and I can hardly wait for more. 


and in the mean time, I will thoroughly enjoy this three day weekend as my farewell to summer. labor day bbq!


postscript: rilla's chubby knees, wrists and elbows melt me into smoosh. she still has a tiny bit of her baby chub, and I am eating it up while I can. 

we interupt

we interrupt our regularly scheduled (pregnancy induced) television/movie indoor dwelling to bring you this brief message of sunshine at the park.