dear chels,
hey, it's your birthday again! another year gone by. dude, this one was a doozy, wasn't it? you had a baby, packed up your life in washington, moved across the country, and started jeff in business school just this week. you are exhausted just thinking about it. having a third baby was kind of rough in itself. changing the ratio from 2:2 to 2:3 was difficult for you, not too mention those post-partum hormones combined with the nightmare that was trying to breastfeed. those six weeks felt like drowning in the ocean and barely making it to shore on your last breath. the only bright spot was that sweet lars-son. he is so darling and sweet and always good for a smile. he was worth the fight, and you can't imagine your family without him. no matter how crazy it (still) is.
you made the move to boston just weeks ago, and you still miss your life in washington terribly. it took time, but you really learned to love it there and leaving it behind was sort of tough. you also miss a few dear friends something awful. just getting here was quite the task. moving across the country is as monumental as it seems. but upon arrival you realized that so many others made the same move you did, and are starting over like you, and you are really enjoying getting to know all these new, amazing people that surround you. it can be kind of intimidating, all these smart, educated people (you are at harvard) and sometimes it weighs you down. you still tend to compare yourself to others, even though you know better, and it can make you feel small. try not to let it get to you, and remember what jade said ... "own it!"
...
there is something bothering you about this birthday, this number. it was a five days after her 28th birthday that your sister ashley died. and five days from now and every day after that will be another day you lived longer than she did. it is hard to fathom and it makes you really sad. all these changes are more things you never got to share with her. you don't want to get older than your big sister, experience more life than she did. it feels wrong. you love and miss her so.
...
but life does go on, doesn't it? for good or bad. and sometimes the superficial can be a nice distraction. you are blonde again, thanks to jessica. and your hair is finally long enough for a top knot. woo! you also just bought yourself hot fuchsia pants (whaaat?) but left the tags on until you can be really sure you can leave the house in them. baby steps. you also convinced jeff that cable was a necessity, and got it set up at your new apartment even though you be po'. (cable + bedtime = sanity) and hey, you started painting your finger nails black again, just like sophmore year of high school. so you can't be that old, hey-ooo!
this next year petra should start kindergarten, rilla will continue to test (test!) your patience, lars will grow from baby to boy, and jeff will dominate b-school. this is a particularly crazy time in your life. three small kids, supporting a husband at Harvard Business School, no family around ... but when else will life be so colorful, and your task so clear?
hey chels, you are awesome. keep it up.
xo,
chelsea
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| what 28 looks like on you. oh, and remember that top knot you wanted? ^ high five! |
p.s. previous birthday letters can be found here, here, and here.
