self-indulgent

somewhere off the oregon coast

some thoughts for the moment.

:: it is easier for skinny people to find things to wear. it just is. this is the point of my pregnancy that I fantasize about real person clothes. and not dressing a series of orbs. (note, not pregnant I am still not thin. but still.)

:: I canceled my next doctors appointment just because I didn't feel like going. I feel empowered. 

:: hubs is super handsome. 

:: I have been hovering between sick and not sick for about three days now. I am convinced the only reason I haven't developed a full blown sinus infection is because of sheer will power and positive thinking. I will not miss my baby shower! 

:: people are very generous. and throw you baby showers even if it is your third baby. and buy your gifts. 

:: I need to be more generous.

:: a skill would be very nice. one that I could use to repay these generous people. maybe I could learn to knit. I love yarn. I want to make this. 

:: I feel ready to give birth, but very not ready to have a newborn. the first six weeks postpartum kind of terrify me. 

:: I have pregnancy brain. and pregnancy on the brain. I am constantly forgetting things, misspeaking, mixing things up. and my head sounds like this: me me pregnant me me heartburn me baby me hips hurt me nursery me to do list me me back pain me baby pregnant me. 

:: I should really be more generous. and selfless. 

:: little son. he moves so much. it is distracting and yet comforting. we can't wait to meet him. I bet he is deliciously cute. 

:: big bags of halloween candy are awesome. I love variety. 

if we could live twice in this one life

life is funny.




sometimes, some days, go my way. 


there is a lot to do, but today I could breathe a little. 


(metaphorically. physically I got winded just picking up a few toys. fail.)


((in my defense the toys were on the floor, and I am 8 months pregnant))


............


rills asked to be held today, and looked into my eyes and touched my cheeks. it was just what I needed. 
then she yelled "weeee!" and used my belly as a slide. 

gonna party like it's your birthday.

we gave petra a "tangled" theme birthday party this year.

I stole most (all) of my ideas from mandy, except not nearly as well executed as her party.  but hey, I am 8 months pregnant, and I am surprised I got even this much of a party put together!

I wish we got some better pictures... and even though I know it shouldn't matter, her hair in these pictures drives me crazy! she insisted on the tangled wig/braid thing we got from nana, but took it out two minutes before her party started. no time to fix the 'do. oh well. she is still an adorable rapunzel. 

welcome!

tangled crowns

freeze dance game to the music of "tangled"

hit flynn with a frying pan!

make a bracelet

gifts ... such generous friends

cake and icecream

gift bags amongst the magic golden flowers

we had lunch in there somewhere too. heart shaped sandwiches, jello boats, fruit and dip and a few other scrumptious things. everyone wanted to sit by petra, and it was just cute so see her be the life of the party. she tried hard to be a good hostess, and I was quite proud of the job she did. it was such a fun day!

five years ago

I had you. 

my petra.

my pita pudding pie.

you can be so serious and worrisome. 

and you can be so fun,

and tell a joke to get us all laughing. 

(you get that from your dad)

you are an amazing big sister. 

baby brother loves you already, if his kicks are any indication.

you are mischievous

and convinced rills to run from my camera this morning.

(giggling hysterically)

we are your biggest fans,

rills, especially.

(she follows your every move)

i love you so much. 

my pita petra pudding pie darling love. 

I think a lot about mothering petra. she is my first child. I worry about her being our "trial and error" of parenting. I learn a lot about myself being her mother. she can be so sensitive and fragile, sometimes I get so frustrated with it, but mostly she just breaks my heart.  it teaches me so much about making my love for others visible all the time, so that it is always the underlying current of my interactions. if she weren't my baby girl, how would I ever learn that? she can also be so strong, and determined. she is the best lesson I have to learn. she is so darling and sweet and unique and intelligent and thoughtful. and she is mine to watch over.