five years ago

I had you. 

my petra.

my pita pudding pie.

you can be so serious and worrisome. 

and you can be so fun,

and tell a joke to get us all laughing. 

(you get that from your dad)

you are an amazing big sister. 

baby brother loves you already, if his kicks are any indication.

you are mischievous

and convinced rills to run from my camera this morning.

(giggling hysterically)

we are your biggest fans,

rills, especially.

(she follows your every move)

i love you so much. 

my pita petra pudding pie darling love. 

I think a lot about mothering petra. she is my first child. I worry about her being our "trial and error" of parenting. I learn a lot about myself being her mother. she can be so sensitive and fragile, sometimes I get so frustrated with it, but mostly she just breaks my heart.  it teaches me so much about making my love for others visible all the time, so that it is always the underlying current of my interactions. if she weren't my baby girl, how would I ever learn that? she can also be so strong, and determined. she is the best lesson I have to learn. she is so darling and sweet and unique and intelligent and thoughtful. and she is mine to watch over.